Help! I Hate My... Work Crush

Every week, The Art Journal’s resident art world Agony Aunt Charlotte Jansen answers your questions about access, gatekeeping and sticky social problems.

Have a burning question for her? Get in touch anonymously here.

I’m a gallery artist liaison and I’ve recently realised that I have a serious crush on one of the artists I represent. We spend a lot of time together, travelling for their exhibitions, doing studio visits, attending openings and so on, and I’m finding it difficult to tell whether there might be something mutual between us or whether it’s in my head.

The problem is that I’m also aware of the power dynamic. I have a significant influence over their career and I don’t want them to feel that they have to reciprocate my feelings because of our working relationship. At the same time, I don’t want to spend the next few years wondering whether there could have been something great between us.

Should I tell them how I feel, or is pursuing a relationship with an artist I represent simply too complicated and unprofessional? And is there a way to explore it without compromising their career – or my gallery?

You have wandered into the romantic equivalent of a gallery with a very complicated installation. A crush is one thing. Having a crush on someone whose career, income and reputation may be partly in your hands is quite another.

I can feel how much you like this person and how much living in close proximity to this romantic ambiguity is torturing you. But the first question you need to answer before doing anything is not: *Do they fancy me back? * It should be: What happens if they don’t?

As their liaison, you aren’t simply another person in this artist’s life. Depending on your relationship, you may control exhibitions, sales, press opportunities and wider access to your network. Even if you have never consciously used that power, the imbalance exists. That means a romantic advance can feel much less optional to the other person than you intend it to, regardless of other power dynamics around age, status and gender. You might think, I’m only asking them out for dinner. They might hear: If I say no, will the gallery still represent me? Will I lose my next show? Will things become awkward with my dealer?

I’m not saying you have to repress your feelings forever. But I would say: slow down and tread tremendously carefully. Take an honest look at your relationship: do you make decisions about their representation? Are you currently negotiating a contract, exhibition, sale or commission? Are you responsible for promoting their work or deciding how much attention the gallery gives them? If the answer is yes, your best course may be, as sad as it is, to keep this crush to yourself. If the professional relationship is more limited and there is no direct dependency, you may have more options – but you still need to proceed carefully.

The other factor is how you handle their career because of your personal feelings towards them, regardless of whether you act on those feelings. Do not give them preferential treatment because you fancy them. Don’t suddenly offer them a solo show, boost their prices, put their work in a prominent exhibition or send particularly lucrative collectors their way because you’re hoping they’ll notice your feelings. The moment romance becomes entangled with professional decisions, everybody loses.

If you really want to explore something romantic with this person above everything else, consider whether there is a way to remove or reduce the professional imbalance first. Could you step back from decisions directly affecting them? Is there someone else who can handle their contracts, sales or negotiations? You may even need to be prepared for the possibility that pursuing the relationship means changing the professional arrangement altogether.

If you decide to go for it – which, in the current situation, I wouldn’t recommend – don’t make a grand declaration and keep it as low pressure as possible so they can respond freely. Something along the lines of: ‘I value our professional relationship, and I want to be careful about boundaries because of that. But I’ve realised I have feelings for you. There is absolutely no expectation that you reciprocate and I don’t want this to affect your work with the gallery. I wanted to be honest.’

The safer play might be to wait and see if they act. If your feelings are reciprocated, perhaps eventually they will make a move. Still, the situation won’t be any less complicated professionally. You’ll have to navigate some serious boundaries that might mean making major compromises in your careers. And if you do get together, what happens if it goes tits-up? I know these considerations aren’t very sexy and you’re probably just thinking about a hookup in the Frieze portaloos, but diving into a relationship here feels very risky and potentially unethical.

There’s no scandal about falling for someone you work with – but power changes everything. So my advice is: don’t ask yourself merely whether you want this artist. Ask yourself whether they can genuinely say no to you without fearing consequences for their career.